Emily learned from an early age the devastation lung disease can have on a family. Her grandmother passed away at 61 years old from emphysema when she was just a child. Then, in 2013, her mother was diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). For the next decade, Emily's mother managed her disease until her condition rapidly worsened and eventually progressed to end-stage COPD in 2023. When it became clear she would need around the clock medical support, Emily decided to help her mom by providing home care. Emily and her family supported her and were with her when in June 2024 when she passed away peacefully.
Facing End Stage COPD
Emily remembers the moment her mother's health took a dramatic turn. “One day she just said, ‘I feel like I can’t breathe,’” Emily recalled. The family rushed her to the hospital, where she was placed in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator to help with her breathing.
Her healthcare provider presented a possible solution through a clinical trial that involved implanting coils in her lungs. However, they warned that the treatment would be unsuccessful unless she quit smoking. “She quit smoking right away,” Emily said. “And she was doing very good. I saw a big difference in her after she stopped smoking.”
For years, the treatment appeared to help. Her mother was able to enjoy life, though she relied on portable oxygen more frequently as time passed. She still loved many of the things that had always brought her joy, especially gardening and sitting outside watching birds. Red cardinals held a special place in her heart. “Whenever she saw a red cardinal, she would say, ‘That’s my mom,’” Emily remembered. “She said red cardinals are angels from heaven.”
But in 2023, something changed. The family began noticing a rapid decline in her health. Her oxygen needs began to increase and walking became more difficult. Then a severe stomachache sent her to hospital, where she unexpectantly went into cardiac arrest and had a lung collapse. She was put on a ventilator which would remain essential to her survival until the very end. "She was in the hospital for a couple of months," Emily said. "They were trying to get her off the ventilator but because of her COPD it was very difficult."
Despite every effort, her mother's condition continued to worsen. In February 2024, there was one final glimmer of hope when she was placed on the lung transplant list. “We fought really hard for her to get on the list, and her doctors fought for her too,” Emily said.
But two weeks later, her mother’s worsening condition meant that she was no longer eligible for the transplant. “They said they had to take her off the list because her antibodies were way too high, and she wouldn’t survive with new lungs,” Emily said. “I just remember hearing those words and my heart completely shattered.”
Learning to Care for a Loved One with COPD
When doctors began discussing long-term care facilities, Emily knew she couldn't live with that. Instead, at just 23 years old, she decided to quit school and her job to become her mom's primary caregiver. “She had dedicated the last 23 years to me, so I wanted to dedicate this time to her. She was my best friend, and I wanted to take care of her," she said.
But learning the ins and outs of caregiving was not easy. Almost overnight, Emily had to learn how to understand ventilator alarms, clean a tracheostomy tube, manage medications, coordinate doctor appointments, perform physical therapy and help with every aspect of daily living. "I had to know what every beep and siren meant," Emily remembers, "and how to bathe her, wash her, do everything under the sun."
Luckily, her mom's respiratory therapist became an invaluable teacher. He showed Emily how to operate equipment, read vital signs, monitor oxygen levels and what steps to take in an emergency. She even learned how to manually ventilate her mom if the ventilator failed, a skill that was put to the test. One day, the ventilator failed and Emily sprang into action. "The ventilator was screaming at me the whole time. My mom was panicking. I had to grab the bag and hook it up to the trach and just keep squeezing it until the ambulance arrived," she recalled.
The experience was unnerving but proved that Emily was coming into her own as a caregiver and learning to trust herself and her skills. "It has become one of my best pieces of advice for caregivers, trust yourself," she said. "Because you are doing something not every human being has the capacity to do."
Keeping Her Mother's Spirits High
While the medical responsibilities were exhausting, Emily believed her most important job was preserving her mother’s dignity and identity. Every morning, she brought her coffee. They watched their favorite television shows together and played games. Because her mother could no longer speak due to the tracheostomy, Emily taught herself to read her lips. “I knew she was the same person and will always be the same person I knew and loved, so I treated her the way I did before the disease,” Emily said.
Emily made it her mission to help her mother feel as normal as possible. Even though she expressed embarrassment about being bedridden, Emily knew it was important to help her mother move about the house in a wheelchair and see people whenever possible. “This is an ugly and cruel disease, but I was not going to let it steal who she was.”
Equally as important, Emily worked to preserve the special connection her and her mother had always shared. She would later advise other caregivers, “don’t let those machines steal the connection with the person as they once were. This is your loved one, and that connection will always stay with you.”
Creating a Lasting Legacy
As her mother’s health declined, the family faced anticipatory grief, which Emily believes is one of the hardest parts of caregiving. “Through this whole time, I was grieving with her while she was still alive,” she said.
Despite her struggles, Emily's mother remained focused on the people she loved. “If anything happens to me, I do not want you guys to cry,” she told her family. “I want you to live your life.”
The day after she passed, Emily kneeled praying in her room asking for strength and a sign that her mom was finally at peace. When she glanced out the window, she was amazed by what she saw. “There was actually a red cardinal sitting right on the table outside of my window,” she said. “And I absolutely burst into tears.”
Today, Emily is turning her pain into purpose. Inspired by her caregiving experience, she is pursuing a career in respiratory therapy, hoping to support other patients and families facing the challenges she knows so well. “I want to offer comfort to another person who is going through this and let them know they are not alone,” she said. “I want to honor my mother, who fought this disease, by carrying her strength and her legacy and her memory forward into my future career.”
Her final advice for caregivers is, "Don't forget to take time for yourself and never feel guilty. There are times when you are going to be so angry, but you can't bottle it up. So, scream, cry, do whatever you have to do and feel those emotions."
Learn more about caring for someone with COPD on our website.
Blog last updated: September 25, 2026
