Jenna Zaffino:
Hi. I'm Jenna. Today, we're going to learn a tool called the SAFE Self Compassion practice. SAFE stands for soften, allow, feel, and expand. And if we can use these techniques effectively, we can often help ourselves navigate through challenging times that feel really acute and maybe overwhelming. We can use this technique to just downgrade the intensity a bit and often give ourselves an expanded perspective that helps us work through these experiences with a little more resilience and perspective. So I'd like to invite you to come into a comfortable position. You certainly can have a notebook and something to write with nearby.
But for the purposes of the first part of this exercise, let's just experience it as ourselves without the need to take too many notes. We'll have plenty of time to do that later. Find a comfortable space. Be sure that you are in a space that's free of distractions. And let's get ready. I'll invite you to sit nice and tall with a good deal of space in your lungs and your torso, and just allow your breath to be easy, calm as much as possible. And in the event that you'd like to close your eyes for this piece, I'll invite you to do that now. You can always just soften your gaze as well.
So for the purposes of this exercise, I'd like to invite you to consider a time in the not so distant past that may have been frustrating or challenging to work through. For our purposes today, let's think about something that maybe isn't completely emotionally charged, that maybe is something that's a bit more manageable and feels less like a crisis. So as you consider what happened to make you feel frustrated, maybe upended in your day, Let's begin by recalling the physical sensations that you may have experienced during this time. There's no need to completely recreate them, but if you have an area of your body that you know tends to take on stress or discomfort during times that are challenged, then maybe you can bring that into your awareness right now. So we're going to start with the letter s for soften. And as we consider where these physical sensations have landed on our body, let's first, as we breathe, just acknowledge that they are there. So you might say something to yourself like I feel tense shoulders. So as you recall this physical sensation, let's begin by observing it and naming it rather than identifying with it.
You might say something like, this is tension. You can feel free to acknowledge the part of the body that you're feeling this in. This is tension in my shoulders. This is tightness in my chest. It's just a means of creating some space around that sensation by choosing to say this is rather than I am. Once we've acknowledged these feelings and spent a moment with them, we're going to move into the a of safe, which is to allow or accept the situation and the way we're responding to it, to be as it is without resisting or trying to change it too much. The question that you can ask yourself at this moment of time is, can I allow this tension, heat, tightness to just be here? Can I be with this experience that I'm feeling? After we've spent a few moments just being with the feeling, let's move into the f of safe, which is really feeling into the emotion or the sensation with a kind attention. Doing this can absolutely reveal what we need, and we use this sense of feeling as a means to discover what the deeper need is for ourselves.
So as you investigate the tightness or the heat or whatever it is you're feeling, notice the intensity of it, maybe its size or shape, and it might even have a color or texture to it. You might even choose to put your hand on where you feel it, on your heart, your stomach, your chest, your shoulders, wherever it might be for you. And it's almost as if you are helping a small child to know that they aren't alone. Just taking a moment to acknowledge that something is happening, that you can be with this feeling without being overtaken by it. And that you are intelligent and intuitive enough to understand that the feeling is a symptom of a bigger need, which for you might be compassion or rest, might be the need to reach out. What does this feeling need right now? Does it need to be cared for? Does it need to feel a sense of security, belonging? Once we've considered what this feeling needs, we can place this need in the form of a wish for ourselves. It might sound something like, may I feel supported? May I feel nourished? May I feel loved? May I feel free from this feeling? If you find yourself resisting this process, the best way to move forward is to recognize the resistance and stay curious about it. It's the same friendly, loving awareness that you're using to investigate your other feelings.
Our final letter and final step in this process is the e. The e stands for expanding your awareness and remembering that you are not alone in the experiences that you're having. When we can remember that the way we experience life is often a universal experience for many people, We can sometimes help ourselves feel a little less alone and a little less targeted by our frustrations or the things that we're moving through. It can be as simple as considering that someone else across the world might be feeling the same way you are right now. What we'll do next is return to our previous step, using the wish we had for ourself, and send it outward to those who also might be struggling, Saying things like, may I feel loved, will transition into may we all feel loved. As we complete this exercise, let's begin to just deepen our breath a bit, maybe wiggling our fingers and toes, bringing yourself back into your physical body. And if your eyes are closed when you're ready, you can open your eyes up. It's always an interesting inquiry to think about the original frustration you began with and consider how the exercise we went through affected the way you now see that frustration.
I know when I have a circumstance or a situation that I've been through that really feels like it knocks me off or out of alignment, It can really easily start to snowball into something that makes everything feel out of alignment. But through taking these steps, sensing the sensations that I'm having, moving with a sort of awareness of where they are in my body, being willing to feel them through and investigate what's going on behind them, underneath them, what the beliefs are, and then showing myself compassion, remembering that others are going through tough moments as well and that they'd also deserve compassion. All of these steps start to look back at the original situation with a bit more kindness and sometimes even a sense of humor. Now I know it can be challenging when you're in a moment of frustration to try to find the humor in it, and certainly, I have the same challenge. But going through a process of just widening the lens that you use to look at these circumstances in your life, you can often find more there than just the frustration or the disappointment. So I hope this exercise serves you in the future. The next time you engage with something that's not so easy to move through, remember the acronym SAFE, soften, allow, feel, and expand. Move through the steps and see if it can bring you into a space of just a different vantage point to look at what's happening in your world.
Remember, our goal is never perfection and it's not to wash away the challenging moments in our life. It's simply to help them be maybe a little less challenging, maybe more of a part of the whole than the main idea. So with that, I'll encourage you to put this practice into play in the week ahead. And remember, you are strong, resilient, and the small moments matter. I'll see you soon.
