Practice: Appreciation Exercise

James Crader 

Hello and welcome. I'm James, and I'm here to walk us through a practice called the appreciation exercise. Now I'm lucky in that I get to work with a lot of different people and groups of people in a lot of different ways. And what I know to be true is that for everyone, sometimes the world, the weight of the world, can feel like a lot. And when that happens, we often tend to focus on what's not working, what's scaring us, what are what's missing, what are the gaps. And that's a logical thing because that's our nervous system saying, what out there should we be fearful of? And that kind of centers our attention on that stuff and we perseverate on it, we think about it a lot, we go down rabbit holes, we get stuck there. And what the appreciation exercise is offering us is looking at things that we want through the lens of what's already working well in those areas, things we have experienced working well before, things that are currently working well for us, and designing it forward to get more of the stuff that works well for us. This practice is based on a bigger methodology called appreciative inquiry, and that's exactly what it is appreciating the things that are working well as we inquire into how does that stuff we have experienced working well in the past going to work well for us in the future? And I'm offering it up here as a partner exercise. 

Why? So that we can get more conversation, more connection going, so that we can understand each other better, so that we can collaborate and work together to make better and better things happen for you, for me, for us, whether that's and caregiver relationship, a friend and family relationship, a coworker relationship, whatever relationship you end up finding yourself in. So let's dive into the theory, the methodology, and then on the tail and, put it into a practice. So just get comfortable. All you have to do right now is listen and get a little curious. So step number 1 is called discovery. What discovery is going to offer us is a chance to look back and see what has worked well in the past. And when we look back, we're not looking back with like a quick little glimpse. We're taking an inventory. 

So you may want, as you go through an appreciation exercise, to have a pen and paper with you. You may want to have your computer with you or at least a phone to kind of take some notes. Because the more information you gather in the discovery phase, the more information you will have, the more raw data, the more material and ingredients you will have on the back end to design something worthwhile for the future. So again, in the discovery phase, we're just kind of looking back and going, But whatever topic we've defined, we look back and we go, when has this worked really well for me? When have I seen it the best? And what were the details, the supporting facts and it? Who was I with? What happened? What did I bring with me? Maybe what music was there? What food was served? What time of day was it? As much detail as you can get. And even though I've sort of designated this a partner exercise, the discovery phase, whether you whether you are doing the appreciation exercise that we're and covering right now, or you're doing appreciative inquiry as a huge organization, group, couple, whatever it is, regardless of whatever circumstance you're finding yourself in, the discovery phase is always a personal process. Because what you're reviewing there is your experience, your lived truth. So the discovery phase asks you to look back and discover what's worked well in the past. Then the next phase is a draining phase, or here we might even call it a discussion phase. 

Now let's say there are 2 of us going through this appreciation exercise. And let's say we were looking at the topic of happiness. Maybe in the discovery phase, I have thought about when have I felt most happy or what circumstances have made me feel the most happy? And let's say we're actually asking James right now. And for me, something that routinely makes me happy is going to the beach. I'm an ocean person. And so I will go, okay. The beach always makes me happy. And I would think back to a very distinct time. 

When was I really, really happy? At the beach. And I would start to take some notes. Who was I with? Well, I could think back and say, you know, early memories. I can say my mom and my family. What music makes you think of the beach, or what what what is playing? What's the soundtrack? For me, James Taylor is gonna be that soundtrack. What food? Well, it's picnic food. What time of the year? Well, it's gonna be sort of like spring summery time. Great. 

And you're going through that catalog. Maybe you played games. Maybe you were with certain people. Maybe there was certain food there. There's certain music there, there's certain clothing there, there might be smells associated with it. Whatever it is that gets cataloged in the discovery phase. In the dream and discussion phase, you get to share your discovery and I get to share mine. Now, again, for me, happiness, if that's going to be our topic, really comes from being at the beach, but yours might be the mountains. 

It might be the desert. It might be going to a concert. And you're gonna share your facts, your discovery, and I get to share mine. And maybe we even begin to see some commonalities there. Oh, there are friends there. There is food associated with this. There's music associated with this. It might even be a time of year. 

And so we take what we've learned in the discovery phase and we dream it forward through discussion. We go, this thing we've experienced in the past, what might it look like in the future? What is the raw material that makes happiness for us both. We may discover in that that we like James Taylor, right? We may discover within that we just like singer songwriter. Maybe you are a, Joni Mitchell fan, and I'm a James Taylor fan. Maybe it's something totally different. Maybe we discover we love pizza. Maybe we discover we love picnics. Maybe we discover we love spring. 

Whatever that is. Maybe there's no commonalities there, but we both seemingly no commonalities but we both love adventure. Oh, happiness feels like adventure. There's no wrong or right way to do this. You're taking the discovery and then you're having a discussion about it so that you can get to the 3rd phase, which is a design it forward circumstance. Now, happiness in the past has looked like this. As we distill it down and we break it apart into bits and pieces through conversation, right, oh, this happened to me and this happened for me, and I liked this and I liked this, and then we design it forward. If the beach is no longer something that is accessible to you, maybe you've moved, maybe it's just not the thing anymore. 

Right? There's a mobility issue. I mean, any number of things. It doesn't mean you have to miss out on that happiness anymore because it wasn't just about the beach. And maybe that person over there that you're sharing this with never liked the beach, but their happiness came from the mountains, seemingly. But what was underneath that, the subcategories? Was friendship? Was conversation? Was game playing? Was it food? Was music? Was it time of the year? Was clothing? Was whatever it is? The designing it forward might look like, well, how do we begin to maybe have a happiness party in the living room? And we play that music, and we eat that food, and we wear those clothes, and we sort of take the bits and the pieces of happiness, and we distill it down into attainable, granular things that can be done more often Caregiver with more people. So we're thinking about things that have worked well in the past, working it with other people to move it forward. Now we've used happiness as sort of our guiding light, but it could be freedom. It could be safety. 

When have I felt most safe? Who was that with? When was that? What were what were the, ingredients of that safety for me and for you so that we know how to be more safe for each other in the future, so that we know how to make each other happier in the future, so that we know how to provide more freedom, more choice, more whatever it is that you wanna work on in the future. And that way, it's not left up to me. It's not left up to you. We are co creating it based upon what has worked well in the past so we know what will work well or perceivably well in the future. Now I know that's a lot, but playing with it is really the journey. Diving in and exploring it is the purpose. It's getting in and getting your hands dirty with all of this. There is absolutely no right way to do it, Meaning there's also no wrong way to do it, and I trust you can do it. 

Why? Because you're strong, You're resilient. And little moments like this, they really matter. So I'll see you soon, and I look forward to hearing how all of this resonates with you. Thank you so much.